dealing with mean girls: how I put up with jealousy and backstabbing

dear readers,

hey what up it’s your girl californiangirl and I’m baackkkkk! Welcome back to my blog and if you are new, welcome! We’ve all been talked about behind our backs. Bullied, put down, ignored, hurt, and betrayed. And it really does hurt and can be hard to put up with. Today, I’m going to tell you all about my “mean girl” experience and how I’m going to deal with it and move on.20142f012f262fef2fwhisper-dd31c

If you have been reading my blog for a while, you know I’m a competitive dancer and dance nearly 15 hours each week. My dance family is pretty much my second family and I love them to death. Most of them at least. In a family, we know there is always fighting and competition and our little family is no exception. Some people don’t really realize how competitive dance is. Who gets a solo, a special part, who gets to be the lead? Who is the teachers favorite, gets the attentions and the corrections to help them succeed? Really, dance is one of the most mentally demanding and competitive sports .

Last year, me and three other girls became very close. Let’s call them Tiffany, Grace, and Chloe. We were really close and kind of made our own little group. Even though we never left people out, we had a group chat, a growing list of inside jokes, and did pretty much everything together at dance. I was already good friends with Chloe and Tiffany, but I became really close with Grace that year, even though she was new to the studio. During the spring show was when our group was the closest. I have a wall of polaroids featuring us four smiling and laughing together.

Fast forward to this school year. Over the summer, Chloe and I were not at the studio, going to other summer intensives and traveling out of the country while Tiffany and Grace stayed behind. Time to introduce a new person. I’ll call her Kelly. Kelly has been the favorite at our studio for the past couple of years. She hung out with the older, advanced girls, and was known for stabbing people in the back. She was the queen bee of our dance studio. We were kind of friends, but not super close, and only talked once in a while. During the summer Tiffany and Grace grew closer to Kelly. the first day of dance, grace completely ignored me when I tried to talk to her. Tiffany stayed pretty nice, but stuck to Grace and Kelly like glue. Now those three laughed together and left me and Chloe out. Kelly and Grace would ignore me and give me dirty looks. I got a featured role in the dance we were doing in the show, and their mean looks and isolation got even worse. i rarely talked to Grace anymore who was so close to me before. Kelly, Tiffany, and Grace walk around together in a group, acting like they are better than me, with their rude remarks, and angry stares.

I guess I might be over reacting but they hurt my feelings. Especially Grace who completely ditched me for Kelly because I wasn’t cool enough or good enough. But really, why should I care what Grace thinks? Today, I decided I don’t need Grace, or Kelly, or Tiffany’s approval, and came up with this short list to help me move on and rise above these girls who have been so rude to me. I need to be the bigger person.

  1. don’t fight fire with fire. even if it’s hard, trying not to put even more fire into this situation. Instead, kill em with kindness. be nice in a genuine way, maybe they will realize all you want is friendship with them.
  2. tell the people how you feel. As someone who likes to keep all my emotions inside of me, i’m going to work on confronting the mean girls in a respectful calm way, and tell them how I feel.
  3. put down your thoughts. If you are not ready to confront your bullies, try writing out your experiences like I am doing now. It really helps, trust me.
  4. don’t be defensive. As an extremely defensive person this is hard for me. Try to see their point of view, why they are acting this way towards you. Maybe you did something to cause them to dislike you.
  5. have your space. Avoid these people if you are having a bad day or don’t want to deal with them. Instead, spend time with people you love and trust.
  6. don’t react. If you react to the mean comments, your bully will see it as encouragement to keep going. hold in your thoughts and let their remarks bounce back
  7. move on. Why should their opinions matter, take a breath and put your head up high princess!

thank you for reading! It’s night time for me since its 12:30 am…

xoxo,

californiangirl

 

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dear ex-best friend…//what I want to tell my old friend who is drifting away

We’ve always had that friend, the one you love and care about and can’t imagine a future without. Sure they had their problems, but you never thought you would or could let go. They were almost part of you as a person, and were nestled into your life deeply. I had that friend and I thought we would be best friends forever, but this year, since we started a new big school, we’ve drifted apart. This is what I want to tell her, and maybe some day will. But for now, I’m just going to keep this letter to myself until I’m ready to share it with her.

dear ex best friend

hi. I just wanted to tell you that I miss you. We had such a close bond even though we were nothing alike. Everyone thought it was kind of weird how we were pretty much conjoined at our hips knowing our differences. I was petite and still looked like I was in 5th grade. You looked almost like a woman and could pass as a high schooler the moment you hit your growth spurt in 6th grade, and towered above my small figure. Not only were our physical appearances different, you were risky, bold, and outgoing, I was quiet, introverted, and only funny once you got to know me. I loved school even though I would never admit it and did well in it. You on the other hand, didn’t like school. You didn’t care about your grades or academics at all. But I knew you’ve been through a lot in your home life and I was magnetized by your confidence.

We became friends in 7th grade. A fast friendship formed, and soon we would walk to our lockers together, be partners in PE, and text all the time. You were friends with some other people. People that were too cool for me. But then we started spending more time together. We ended up making our own lunch table where we would sit everyday and talk. You told me your secrets. Some stuff were light : who your weekly crush was, some more heavy : the depression your sister went through. I absorbed them and learned to be a listener. in our relationship, you were the talker, I was the listener. You would dump everything on me and you became so clingy that I started to miss my old friends and try to avoid you.

8th grade. We had no classes together so I thought I could hang out with my old friends more. But I was wrong. We became even more close. Sometimes I loved our relationships, other times I felt trapped. You asked to hang out every weekend and usually I would try to make up excuses because I was tired of spending so much time with you already at school. I would try to avoid you sometimes, but still relied on you and loved you.

Freshman orientation, you found me and we clung together that day. I remember this as the last time we really spent a good chunk of time together with each other. I wanted to make new friends but I didn’t want to leave you. The weeks went by, I would sit with my other friends as I couldn’t find you since our school was so large. About once or twice a week we would sit together and talk. Well mostly you would talk.

this is when I found out you were moving away later this school year because of your depression. I didn’t know what I would do without you. I decided that I would try to sit and catch up with you more. Every week, I would sit with you by the theater alone and we would talk.

Then one week, we didn’t sit with each other. I don’t know what really caused that shift if it was my fault or yours. After that week, it began. I would see you, but you would ignore me. A couple weeks after, you had a group of new friends surrounding you and you would ignore me. It hurt… Now when I try to talk to you, it’s awkward and uncomfortable. I miss what we had but I guess our split was for the better. I have other friends now, that are more similar to me. You do too.

 

sometimes, I just miss you. and it hurts.

 

californiangirl

 

thoughts on thanksgiving//what am I thankful for?

Dear Readers,

Happy late thanksgiving! I hope you had a chance to spend it with the people you love, eating delicious food, in the place you call home.

Yesterday when I was helping my mom and sister prepare some of the food for the feast, I thought about a teacher I had. One of my favorite teachers, who lightened up the room as she walked in, was strict but fun strict, genuinely cares about us, and taught me pretty much everything I know. And despite being one of the most caring people I know and well into her sixties, she doesn’t have a family. She never married as she spent all her effort and love on her students. The rest of her family lives far away. This led me to wonder, Where did she go for thanksgiving? Did she eat alone? I’m sure she has plenty of friends to eat with but the more I thought about the sadder I got. I certainly couldn’t imagine being alone on turkey day. We have a small family here in California, everyone else is far away from us, so thanksgiving is usually spent with my immediate  family and a couple friends who didn’t feel like cooking, and wanted to tag along.

This thought about being lonely on thanksgiving stayed with me the whole night. And that is how I realized how truly lucky I am to have a family (even if we are a small one) and a place I call home. I am thankful for all the beautiful people in my life and all the support and love they give me!

Happy late Thanksgiving everyone!

 

–californiangirl

15 Things You Don’t Know About Me//Q&A

Hey Readers !

Welcome back to my blog, or if you’re new, welcome! My life is a little crazy, and by crazy, I mean there’s just so many things going on… So I started blogging to keep track of my life and to vent a little, but it kind of turned into more of a scattered beauty/lifestyle/fashion, which isn’t what I want it to really be like. It felt kind of fake because really I’m NOT a beauty guru or fashion expert. So starting now, I want to keep my blog how I want it to be, just for the benefit of me sharing my exciting, confusing, and  beautiful life and maybe helping some of you readers on the way.

To celebrate my fresh start, I decided to to a 15 things you don’t know about me type of thing. I did one of these before but tbh a lot has changed since then. Instead of repeating the questions I did last time (and tbh-ugh this is second time I’ve used this word in like a minute of typing-the questions from last time were quite basic) I decided to look up more interesting and weird questions that I will answer as part of this “15 things” post. So yeah, they may be a little let’s say “interesting”  but let’s get started!!

number 1

What’s your biggest screw up in the kitchen?

hmmmm let’s be real every body screws up sometimes but I screw up all the fREAKING time! Also I SUCK at cooking like so so so much. I literally never even try to cook in fear that something bad will happen like it did this one time. It was 2013 and my little 5th grade self was home alone, except for my little sister, and I decided to make some pasta. Easy peasy right? WRONG! I was boiling the water over the stove and then I poured in the pasta and a piece of pasta fell out of the pot and in the stove right next to the flames, and ME BEING THE DUMB KID I WAS, grabbed a cloth napkin thing and reached with it to grab the pasta. Yes, I directly reached into the flame with a very flammable object. And yes, it caught on fire and burned up. I threw it in the sink and put out the flame, but this memory has always scarred me from cooking.

number 2

What’s a body part that you wouldn’t mind losing?

pinky toe for sure. Is it bad that I hate my pinky toe? (I told you these questions would be weird)

number 3

What animal would be cutest if scaled down to the size of a cat?

I LOVE GIRAFFES SO SO SO MUCH. Honestly giraffes are already cute enough at 20 feet, but they would be even more adorable if they were the size of a little kitten!

number 4

What is a fashion item you can’t live without?

oooh this one’s hard, but I’ll have to say I cannot live without a good old tee-shirt dress because I own a ton of slightly flared t-shirt dresses that I throw on and get compliments about but are just really comfy and create your outfit without much thought. Also you can tie it up like a t-shirt too.

number 5

What is the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten?

The spiciest thing I’ve ever eaten is probably hot peri peri chicken wings from London. Basically I was in London this summer and we stopped by a chain restaurant called Nando’s. It looked pretty good and it was about 9 o clock at night and we haven’t eaten since the morning so we stopped in and ordered hot peri peri chicken wings. The thing is I LOVE SPICY FOODS, so I wasn’t expecting it to be that hot. I took one huge bite and my mouth felt like it was on fire. Like flames were lapping up my throat and down my stomach.

number 6

What are you currently worried about?

I’m probably just worried about life in general. Not being able to get good grades. Not doing well in my dance duet. Not being able to fit in. Not being able to get everything done. Not ever being able to find love. High school. Just life in general.

number 7

What are some misconceptions about your hobby?

I am a dancer, and people all the time come up to me and say that dance is easy… Um how is dance easy? Literally the one time I got in trouble at school last year was when I was in an argument about whether dance was easy or not and if it’s a sport (btw it’s an art AND a sport-that’s part of the reason it’s so hard).

number 8

When was the most inappropriate time you busted out in laughter?

Fun fact: I always burst out laughing at terrible times. I don’t even know why. Like this week I was giving a presentation at school and I just couldn’t stop laughing and I was just shaking and embarrassing myself in front of everyone. Another time this happened was when my friend at dance was talking about her cat dying and it was silent because we were mourning her cat, but for some reason I start to laugh, and I’m like trying to hold it in so hard. But I don’t succeed. This happens everywhere, bat mitzvahs, sad movies, piano recitals… etc

number 9

What has someone borrowed but never given back?

My biggest pet peeve is when someone borrows your pencil in class but doesn’t give it back. I’ve lost maybe a couple handfuls of pencils like this. Now I always pretend I don’t have a pencil when I’m asked.

number 10

Do you wear jewelry?

Because of dance I can only wear a little bit of jewelry. Also my ears used to be pierced but now aren’t so there’s that. But right now I’m wearing a necklace one of my best friends made for me and I also sometimes wear a “California” necklace that I have matching with my friend who recently moved away from California.

number 11

What is your favorite name?

My favorite name is probably Sierra. It’s very elegant and reminds me of nature. However this doesn’t mean I like all Sierras. I’m

number 12

Do you like breakfast or dinner foods?

Dinner foods, because I really don’t like eggs, bacon, etc. Much rather have some pasta, salad, and steak.

number 13

What is your favorite drink?

Okay this might be very oddly specific, but I’m an odd person so there’s that. It’s a macha latte with oat milk, 25% sweetness, with tapicoca balls in it from boba guys. It’s soooo good. My friend who actually works at Boba Guys told me to order this and now, it’s all I ever order!

number 14

What is a (weird) fear you have?

Okay you said weird so you’re getting weird! I have a fear of fish. I don’t know how or why. As a young child, I would go to lakes with the family and see little dusty colored fish lurking in the clear waters. I guess I’m scared the fish will brush by me with their slimy bodies or suck on me but when I think of them, I shudder. Snorkling in Mexico was not a great experience. As everyone was enjoying the colorful fish swiming about, I was swimming as fast as I could back to the boat.

number 15

What are your goals?

My goals are to become more confident and kind to others. To have a more positive view on the world and to choose kindness, even if it’s the harder choice. I want to be able to forgive people and accept other’s apologies. I want to be a better person.

 

thank you for reading,

californiangirl

my guide to high school : the first week//californiangirl

Hey Readers,

Welcome back to my blog! If you don’t know this already, this year I’m a little freshman in high school, and so far, I’ll admit, it’s not bad. I’m sure it gets much worse throughout the years, but so far not terrible. I mean I’m still (partially) alive. Even though I’m still a freshie and in high school myself, I decided to write up a series of guides to livin the high school life! you’re probably wondering why I’m qualified to give you advice when I’m pretty much a fetus myself, and I’m not. But since I’m living through high school now, I think I have at least a little bit of insight and can pass on to you, whoever you are.

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TODAYS VOLUME: THE FIRST WEEK

So It’s the day before the first day of high school. Hm… Let me think back to that. Oh yeah, I was nervous but also excited. Actually now that I think about it, I was mostly sad summer was over.

 

freshman orientation

the day before high school was actually Freshman orientation. Basically a day where all the freshman run around the school frantically trying to find their classes. If you are from a public school, and came from a public middle school/junior high, tehn everyone from your previous school pretty much sticks together. It’s kind of hard to make a whole new group of friends on this day but try to make one new friend from each class during teh fiurst week to have a new friend. if you are coming from a small private school into a large public school then god please help you. Jk Jk, a lot of private school kids  settle in really quickly. Since you may not know as many people, you’ll need to work harder to find friends. Give it some time and just be yourself and be friends.

 

the first day

the night before you NEED to put together an outfit and lay out your stuff so you’re not scrambling then. Eat a nice hearty breakfast and make sure you (at least try*also quick note: don’t buy school supplies till AFTER the first day and you get your syllabus for each class cause some teachers are very particular about the supplies you need.* Bring a backpack, lunch, some pencils/pens, a notebook, and binder paper. The first day is kind of boring, you may get lost a couple of times, but really you don’t do much. When lunch time comes meet with some of the people you know or, if you found someone you really click with in one of your classes, ask to eat lunch with them and their friends.

 

tips on making friends:

compliment them on their outfit or shoes

ask them a question

smile (trust me a smile definitely helps when you are trying to get new people to like you)

join clubs (the clubs fair may be later in the year but start thinking about clubs to join)

ask to hang out at next the football game

Finally your day is done and your drained from the day and now you have to do this for another 179 days. Yay! trust me, if you had a bad first day, it will get better. Hopefully.

 

the next days

You are starting to settle into the school even though you still manage to get lost and confused everyday. But it’s getting better. get involved at school by joining clubs and wearing spirit gear and continue making friends. Now homework is starting, and your workload goes up from getting you parent to sign syllabi to essays and algebra.

tips on homework load

turn off your phone while working (I’ll admit, I can’t seem to follow rthis one most of the time but seriously, phones are so distracting expecially with social media)

take a break after 15 minutes of working to eat a snack, walk about for a minute, listen to a song, or lay down

use your planner: if your school provides one, great, but if not, definitely get one. It helps you stay on track with you assignments throughout the year

study with friends (but not all the time) try studying with others. However if it turns to socializing time then reconsider working with them

 

Yay! You survived the first week of high school! Next time, I got more tips about high school that I can’t wait to share with you!

 

californiangirl

welcome BACK to my life

Hey Readers,

Wow, it’s been a while since I last been on this blog and I’ve really missed sharing with you. School has been so busy and I’ve been struggling to finish homework, juggle my dance classes, all while staying happy and healthy. So today, I decided to give a quick update about what’s going on and all the things you’ve missed.

welcome BACK to my life!

 

School

I’m starting to settle into the routine of high school. Now the campus doesn’t seem quite so big (even though the stairs still are EXHASTING). I’ve made many friends in the past couple of weeks and I’m so happy . Also next weekend is the homecoming dance and I’m super excited to go with my friends and have a great time there. I’m also performing in the rally because I’m in dance and I’m really excited to perform in front of the whole school ( but also a little nervous ). However not everything has been going smoothly. There have been some bumps along the way, from losing friends, to my first detention, to mean girls, let’s just say not everything has been perfectly fine, but I’m starting to actually like going to school.

Dance

Dance at my studio is pretty good this year. I have a duet this year which I’m excited about but also nervous. The person I’m doing it with is a year older than me and has more experience in dance. I’m nervous that she’s going to iutdance me. It doesn’t help that she’s also 4 inches taller than me and much more mature looking. I really need to step it up if I want to look good next to her and make this duet work and win. Oh another thing. We need to beat another duet from our studio, the two favorites doing a tricky contemporary piece, a stark contrast to our graceful ballet piece. This season will be the most crazy yet, with many duets and trios going head to head.

Dance at school is fun! I get to do hip hop and street dancing. I love dance because its something I’m actually better at than many other people in my class. Right now we’re working on the piece we’re dancing in the homecoming rally and for our Christmas show

This blog

I’m going to update more often because I forgot HOW MUCH I love blogging. I’ll try for a couple times a month and when I’m on break (winter break/thanksgiving) I’ll try updating more like a couple times a week.

 

Thank you for reading, and welcome BACK to my life!

xoxo

californiangirl

Let’s Enjoy The Little Things In Life

dear readers,

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you know the saying “It’s the little things that make life big?” Well it is my newest mantra for these coming fall months.

Before you stop reading because of the cheesiness you sense coming up, let me explain. Life goes on. Things happen. Time rushes through us. I mean, think about it, 2017 has gone by so fast! Sometimes we forget to ‘smell the roses’ to enjoy ‘the journey.’ I know this sounds oh-so cliche, but it’s something so important to keep in mind as we hustle throughout our lives day after day.

So I’m taking on a challenge, and you can join me too. Everyday I’ll write down some of the beautiful “little things” that happened to me. Whether it be a “hi” in the hall, an A on my math quiz, or a joke made at dance, I’m writing down the little things that make my life BIG. I’ll start by journaling out this weeks “little things”

 

girl gave me the extra dollar I needed to buy boba at the football game

not getting last place in frisbee golf during PE

conversation with a cute boy in my science class

my dance teacher complimenting me as I did an extension

trying to do couples yoga with my sister

laughing at absolutely nothing with my friends

the calm after the thunderstorm on Monday

an email from a woman who I had a brief conversation with, but still remembered me

 

All these “little things” aren’t much, but they sure do make my life colorful. I’m excited to continue this throughout this month and I hope you decide to notice all the little things that make each of our lives wonderful and special!

 

xoxo,

californiangirl