Five Lessons I’ve Learned from Freshman Year of High School

hi readers

Wow it’s been a while. Yep a couple of months off this blog and I’m finally back! School, which has sucked up sooo much of my time finally got out, and it’s finally sweet sweet summer meaning I get to update on this blog much more. I’m excited about the new posts I’ll be doing and being able to update y’all more about my life, adventures, and the insight I’ve gotten out of my crazy world. This year was my freshman year of high school and it was definitely an adventure. I feel like I’ve changed so much and grown from all the experiences both stressful and exciting throughout the year. here are some of the lessons I’ve taken out from this year that hopefully will help all of you incoming freshman and those who are still in high school right now, finding your place in the world:

 

row of books in shelf

1. making friends may be hard at first but if you are genuine and kind, people will want to be friends with you.

As a shy person, I was excited to try to break out of my shell this year and make new friends. In the beginning of the year, I tried too hard to be this trendy outgoing person and it… got me nowhere. After a while, I realized making friends doesn’t mean being a new person. I started being more bubbly yet laid back, and started my iconic thing of hugging everyone and using the word “cackle.” I’m so happy to say that I’ve made so many friends of all different friend groups. I’m not the most popular girl in the school but I have made so many friends that I love so much! So lesson: be yourself (and also friendly) and the friends will come!

2. You will fail (and that’s ok)

High school has downs and ups. As a perfectionist it took a while to realize doing awful on a test, messing up on something important, etc is bound to happen. No matter how hard to try you will fail. And that’s ok. Getting a C on your math test isn’t the end of the world. This year I struggled a lot with math. High school math moved faster and the teacher wasn’t great and understanding like my middle school teachers. I bombed a couple tests, which left me feeling terrible but I made it out of the class, getting one of the highest score on the final in the class! The failures on my math tests motivated me to work harder and it paid off. Failing isn’t the end of the world, you’ll live from one F on a test.

3. Don’t judge someone before you meet them

There’s a girl who has a reputation for being a fake b*tch. That’s the only way I can put it, lol didn’t mean to be so harsh. So because of others’ opinions, I tried to stay away from her. But I ended up befriending her and realized all those rumors are definitely untrue. She is so sweet and kind. So don’t judge people. BE OPEN. Get to know someone before you listen to the gossip!

4. Take a chance, you might surprise yourself

This year, I almost did not try out for ASB (associate student body) or pretty much the team of people who run all the events of the school. I knew that it was extremely hard to get into ASB as there was a two round interview process, a length application form, and to be honest I just thought I wasn’t going to make it in. Out fo the 100+ applicants only about 20-30 are accepted each year. The other people applying were more outgoing, exciting and experienced… I thought. But I decided to try-the best choice in my life. I made round 1, then was accepted in as a new member of Human Relations, my top choice commission. I’m so excited to work on new projects such as a school garden, more dogs in the quad, save the bees, and helping students who are struggling financially!

5. Don’t be afraid to try something new

Don’t be afraid to try a new club, meet a new friend, explore a new class in depth. Go outside of your comfort zone. You only get to go through high school once so why not make the best of it. Freshman year is a great time to try a little bit of everything on campus and find yourself and your passions. Make it through high school with absolutely no regrets.

 

Thank you for reading!

-californiangirl

 

 

Advertisements

These Songs are my Jam: march playlist 2018!!

Dear Readers,

Happy March! Today is March 4, and I’m going to start a new section of my blog, my playlists for each month, all the songs I’ve been jammin’ to recently and that maybe you’ll enjoy too. I know a ton of YouTubers do this as well as they drive around and whatever so I decided to give it a try. So let’s just get into the playlist!

On spotify, recently I have started to make playlists for each month. This month is “march moves n grooves.” I really like doing this because it can show the development in your music taste and what you have been enjoying recently. A lot of these songs are from February playlist “february fun times” since the month has just started and I usually add songs throughout the month. I guess this is technically not my “march playlist” and more of my march+february+whateverelseI’mlisteningto playlist

 

  1. Breathe Me by Sia
    I love this song a lot at this moment, we were warming up to this during dance and OMG it was my jam. This song makes me feel like a rock star which you might not get when you listen to the beginning but there are some parts have these drums in the back and they are my jam.https://open.spotify.com/track/7jqzZyJJLrpkRFYGpkqSK6
  2. COPYCAT by Billie Ellish, Sofi Turkker remix
    Ya girl has just jumped on the Billie Ellish train. I’ve heard about her and her amazing music for a long time but just started listening. This is kind of a darker song of hers and this remix is my favorite. At first I just accidentally clicked on this remix trying to find the original song but I really dig it.https://open.spotify.com/track/2njUxZ4151DWIrfIK3loFj
  3. Clumsy by Fergie
    This song is throwing it back to the early 2000s and has a nice techno vibe and a cute little bop (that probably made no sense lol). This song is also a vine which makes it even better, but I actually really like this song.https://open.spotify.com/track/50xeLNGKmskmYUSINhqvfa
  4. watch by Billie Ellish
    Another one of Billie Ellish’s songs on my list. This is the first B. E. song that I’ve ever listened too and what made me fall in love with her music. This song just makes me want to dance. And not like jam in the car dance, but like DANCE in an empty room, by myself and just move. I definitely recommend you listen to this, it’s one of my favorites on this playlist.https://open.spotify.com/track/7eB1V5LvAdxCc7brfGhRRo
  5. Obsession by Vice ft Jon BellionThis song makes me happy. Like really happy. This is one of those songs you can jam to in your car, bopping your head and waving your arms. And it’s impossible to listen to this song without smiling. Such an unlifting song that has a unique vibe.https://open.spotify.com/track/5pvVAwQbuFoR7LkcicrKnk 
  6. ur phone by boy pablo
    I found this song through emma chamberlain (oh btw shes such a queen please watch her vlogs!!). To be honest i feel like Emma’s taste in music usually does not line up with mine, but I actually like this song. It just makes me feel like I’m on a road trip and just driving by myself somewhere in the middle of nowhere passing by golden fields of weeds and cows. I don’t know, just a thought.
    https://open.spotify.com/track/1sdW5wGFuUB0A93EN7BhaL
  7. Dream A Little Dream of Me by The Mamas & PapasI love this song so much. Another oldie but goodie that you got to check out. If it sounds familiar, it is because it was in a winter Olympic ad this year I think.
    https://open.spotify.com/track/7ytqdjooPEAa97QSu6NUHS
  8. Prune, You Talk Funny by Gus Dapperton
    This song makes me feel like such a hipster. Like actually. It’s like I’m in one of those grainy movies and in one of those driving scenes, peacefully just chillin on the road by myself. (idk why, but a lot of songs remind me of road trips.) This song also has an old fashion vibrant vibe which I totally love!
    https://open.spotify.com/track/4a6r6d9mfcUQbOnrGf8jAV

 

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed this post! Comment down below what your favorite songs are at the moment because I need to add more songs to my march playlist!

 

xoxo,

calforniangirl

Stressed Out//new year not so improved me

hi readers

it’s currently 11:25 pm and I’m up writing a blog post. Why? Because I am so stressed and I just need to vent.

This year, I began high school and it’s been a hard, but fun process. I like having a big school with different people, and a wide variety of classes and electives. I feel more free than middle school, popularity isn’t really as much of a thing as it was back then. The first semester school work was a lot, but definitely manageable, but this year I’ve had trouble getting back into my work and not feeling stressed.

Today, I had my 2nd panic attack of 2018.  My panic attacks aren’t intense, they are not even that serious but it just feels like a wave crashing down on me. A flood of teachers and parents yelling, homework piling, dance corrections shouted. I usually cry during these attacks and my breathing gets heavy. I need a way to outlet this stress and deal with it. This is only freshman year, to be quite frank, if I can’t get through this year, how will I be able to balance Sophomore and Junior years. I really don’t know if I can..

Does anyone have any tips on dealing with stress, time management, and panic attacks? Sometimes I feel so mad because my parents don’t listen or understand, my teachers don’t explain themselves clearly. This anger is not healthy and often builds the wave. Sorry if this post was not in a regular format… Give me any tips and ideas you have or if you are going through a situation like this.

xoxo,

californiangirl

dealing with mean girls: how I put up with jealousy and backstabbing

dear readers,

hey what up it’s your girl californiangirl and I’m baackkkkk! Welcome back to my blog and if you are new, welcome! We’ve all been talked about behind our backs. Bullied, put down, ignored, hurt, and betrayed. And it really does hurt and can be hard to put up with. Today, I’m going to tell you all about my “mean girl” experience and how I’m going to deal with it and move on.20142f012f262fef2fwhisper-dd31c

If you have been reading my blog for a while, you know I’m a competitive dancer and dance nearly 15 hours each week. My dance family is pretty much my second family and I love them to death. Most of them at least. In a family, we know there is always fighting and competition and our little family is no exception. Some people don’t really realize how competitive dance is. Who gets a solo, a special part, who gets to be the lead? Who is the teachers favorite, gets the attentions and the corrections to help them succeed? Really, dance is one of the most mentally demanding and competitive sports .

Last year, me and three other girls became very close. Let’s call them Tiffany, Grace, and Chloe. We were really close and kind of made our own little group. Even though we never left people out, we had a group chat, a growing list of inside jokes, and did pretty much everything together at dance. I was already good friends with Chloe and Tiffany, but I became really close with Grace that year, even though she was new to the studio. During the spring show was when our group was the closest. I have a wall of polaroids featuring us four smiling and laughing together.

Fast forward to this school year. Over the summer, Chloe and I were not at the studio, going to other summer intensives and traveling out of the country while Tiffany and Grace stayed behind. Time to introduce a new person. I’ll call her Kelly. Kelly has been the favorite at our studio for the past couple of years. She hung out with the older, advanced girls, and was known for stabbing people in the back. She was the queen bee of our dance studio. We were kind of friends, but not super close, and only talked once in a while. During the summer Tiffany and Grace grew closer to Kelly. the first day of dance, grace completely ignored me when I tried to talk to her. Tiffany stayed pretty nice, but stuck to Grace and Kelly like glue. Now those three laughed together and left me and Chloe out. Kelly and Grace would ignore me and give me dirty looks. I got a featured role in the dance we were doing in the show, and their mean looks and isolation got even worse. i rarely talked to Grace anymore who was so close to me before. Kelly, Tiffany, and Grace walk around together in a group, acting like they are better than me, with their rude remarks, and angry stares.

I guess I might be over reacting but they hurt my feelings. Especially Grace who completely ditched me for Kelly because I wasn’t cool enough or good enough. But really, why should I care what Grace thinks? Today, I decided I don’t need Grace, or Kelly, or Tiffany’s approval, and came up with this short list to help me move on and rise above these girls who have been so rude to me. I need to be the bigger person.

  1. don’t fight fire with fire. even if it’s hard, trying not to put even more fire into this situation. Instead, kill em with kindness. be nice in a genuine way, maybe they will realize all you want is friendship with them.
  2. tell the people how you feel. As someone who likes to keep all my emotions inside of me, i’m going to work on confronting the mean girls in a respectful calm way, and tell them how I feel.
  3. put down your thoughts. If you are not ready to confront your bullies, try writing out your experiences like I am doing now. It really helps, trust me.
  4. don’t be defensive. As an extremely defensive person this is hard for me. Try to see their point of view, why they are acting this way towards you. Maybe you did something to cause them to dislike you.
  5. have your space. Avoid these people if you are having a bad day or don’t want to deal with them. Instead, spend time with people you love and trust.
  6. don’t react. If you react to the mean comments, your bully will see it as encouragement to keep going. hold in your thoughts and let their remarks bounce back
  7. move on. Why should their opinions matter, take a breath and put your head up high princess!

thank you for reading! It’s night time for me since its 12:30 am…

xoxo,

californiangirl

 

dear ex-best friend…//what I want to tell my old friend who is drifting away

We’ve always had that friend, the one you love and care about and can’t imagine a future without. Sure they had their problems, but you never thought you would or could let go. They were almost part of you as a person, and were nestled into your life deeply. I had that friend and I thought we would be best friends forever, but this year, since we started a new big school, we’ve drifted apart. This is what I want to tell her, and maybe some day will. But for now, I’m just going to keep this letter to myself until I’m ready to share it with her.

dear ex best friend

hi. I just wanted to tell you that I miss you. We had such a close bond even though we were nothing alike. Everyone thought it was kind of weird how we were pretty much conjoined at our hips knowing our differences. I was petite and still looked like I was in 5th grade. You looked almost like a woman and could pass as a high schooler the moment you hit your growth spurt in 6th grade, and towered above my small figure. Not only were our physical appearances different, you were risky, bold, and outgoing, I was quiet, introverted, and only funny once you got to know me. I loved school even though I would never admit it and did well in it. You on the other hand, didn’t like school. You didn’t care about your grades or academics at all. But I knew you’ve been through a lot in your home life and I was magnetized by your confidence.

We became friends in 7th grade. A fast friendship formed, and soon we would walk to our lockers together, be partners in PE, and text all the time. You were friends with some other people. People that were too cool for me. But then we started spending more time together. We ended up making our own lunch table where we would sit everyday and talk. You told me your secrets. Some stuff were light : who your weekly crush was, some more heavy : the depression your sister went through. I absorbed them and learned to be a listener. in our relationship, you were the talker, I was the listener. You would dump everything on me and you became so clingy that I started to miss my old friends and try to avoid you.

8th grade. We had no classes together so I thought I could hang out with my old friends more. But I was wrong. We became even more close. Sometimes I loved our relationships, other times I felt trapped. You asked to hang out every weekend and usually I would try to make up excuses because I was tired of spending so much time with you already at school. I would try to avoid you sometimes, but still relied on you and loved you.

Freshman orientation, you found me and we clung together that day. I remember this as the last time we really spent a good chunk of time together with each other. I wanted to make new friends but I didn’t want to leave you. The weeks went by, I would sit with my other friends as I couldn’t find you since our school was so large. About once or twice a week we would sit together and talk. Well mostly you would talk.

this is when I found out you were moving away later this school year because of your depression. I didn’t know what I would do without you. I decided that I would try to sit and catch up with you more. Every week, I would sit with you by the theater alone and we would talk.

Then one week, we didn’t sit with each other. I don’t know what really caused that shift if it was my fault or yours. After that week, it began. I would see you, but you would ignore me. A couple weeks after, you had a group of new friends surrounding you and you would ignore me. It hurt… Now when I try to talk to you, it’s awkward and uncomfortable. I miss what we had but I guess our split was for the better. I have other friends now, that are more similar to me. You do too.

 

sometimes, I just miss you. and it hurts.

 

californiangirl

 

thoughts on thanksgiving//what am I thankful for?

Dear Readers,

Happy late thanksgiving! I hope you had a chance to spend it with the people you love, eating delicious food, in the place you call home.

Yesterday when I was helping my mom and sister prepare some of the food for the feast, I thought about a teacher I had. One of my favorite teachers, who lightened up the room as she walked in, was strict but fun strict, genuinely cares about us, and taught me pretty much everything I know. And despite being one of the most caring people I know and well into her sixties, she doesn’t have a family. She never married as she spent all her effort and love on her students. The rest of her family lives far away. This led me to wonder, Where did she go for thanksgiving? Did she eat alone? I’m sure she has plenty of friends to eat with but the more I thought about the sadder I got. I certainly couldn’t imagine being alone on turkey day. We have a small family here in California, everyone else is far away from us, so thanksgiving is usually spent with my immediate  family and a couple friends who didn’t feel like cooking, and wanted to tag along.

This thought about being lonely on thanksgiving stayed with me the whole night. And that is how I realized how truly lucky I am to have a family (even if we are a small one) and a place I call home. I am thankful for all the beautiful people in my life and all the support and love they give me!

Happy late Thanksgiving everyone!

 

–californiangirl

15 Things You Don’t Know About Me//Q&A

Hey Readers !

Welcome back to my blog, or if you’re new, welcome! My life is a little crazy, and by crazy, I mean there’s just so many things going on… So I started blogging to keep track of my life and to vent a little, but it kind of turned into more of a scattered beauty/lifestyle/fashion, which isn’t what I want it to really be like. It felt kind of fake because really I’m NOT a beauty guru or fashion expert. So starting now, I want to keep my blog how I want it to be, just for the benefit of me sharing my exciting, confusing, and  beautiful life and maybe helping some of you readers on the way.

To celebrate my fresh start, I decided to to a 15 things you don’t know about me type of thing. I did one of these before but tbh a lot has changed since then. Instead of repeating the questions I did last time (and tbh-ugh this is second time I’ve used this word in like a minute of typing-the questions from last time were quite basic) I decided to look up more interesting and weird questions that I will answer as part of this “15 things” post. So yeah, they may be a little let’s say “interesting”  but let’s get started!!

number 1

What’s your biggest screw up in the kitchen?

hmmmm let’s be real every body screws up sometimes but I screw up all the fREAKING time! Also I SUCK at cooking like so so so much. I literally never even try to cook in fear that something bad will happen like it did this one time. It was 2013 and my little 5th grade self was home alone, except for my little sister, and I decided to make some pasta. Easy peasy right? WRONG! I was boiling the water over the stove and then I poured in the pasta and a piece of pasta fell out of the pot and in the stove right next to the flames, and ME BEING THE DUMB KID I WAS, grabbed a cloth napkin thing and reached with it to grab the pasta. Yes, I directly reached into the flame with a very flammable object. And yes, it caught on fire and burned up. I threw it in the sink and put out the flame, but this memory has always scarred me from cooking.

number 2

What’s a body part that you wouldn’t mind losing?

pinky toe for sure. Is it bad that I hate my pinky toe? (I told you these questions would be weird)

number 3

What animal would be cutest if scaled down to the size of a cat?

I LOVE GIRAFFES SO SO SO MUCH. Honestly giraffes are already cute enough at 20 feet, but they would be even more adorable if they were the size of a little kitten!

number 4

What is a fashion item you can’t live without?

oooh this one’s hard, but I’ll have to say I cannot live without a good old tee-shirt dress because I own a ton of slightly flared t-shirt dresses that I throw on and get compliments about but are just really comfy and create your outfit without much thought. Also you can tie it up like a t-shirt too.

number 5

What is the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten?

The spiciest thing I’ve ever eaten is probably hot peri peri chicken wings from London. Basically I was in London this summer and we stopped by a chain restaurant called Nando’s. It looked pretty good and it was about 9 o clock at night and we haven’t eaten since the morning so we stopped in and ordered hot peri peri chicken wings. The thing is I LOVE SPICY FOODS, so I wasn’t expecting it to be that hot. I took one huge bite and my mouth felt like it was on fire. Like flames were lapping up my throat and down my stomach.

number 6

What are you currently worried about?

I’m probably just worried about life in general. Not being able to get good grades. Not doing well in my dance duet. Not being able to fit in. Not being able to get everything done. Not ever being able to find love. High school. Just life in general.

number 7

What are some misconceptions about your hobby?

I am a dancer, and people all the time come up to me and say that dance is easy… Um how is dance easy? Literally the one time I got in trouble at school last year was when I was in an argument about whether dance was easy or not and if it’s a sport (btw it’s an art AND a sport-that’s part of the reason it’s so hard).

number 8

When was the most inappropriate time you busted out in laughter?

Fun fact: I always burst out laughing at terrible times. I don’t even know why. Like this week I was giving a presentation at school and I just couldn’t stop laughing and I was just shaking and embarrassing myself in front of everyone. Another time this happened was when my friend at dance was talking about her cat dying and it was silent because we were mourning her cat, but for some reason I start to laugh, and I’m like trying to hold it in so hard. But I don’t succeed. This happens everywhere, bat mitzvahs, sad movies, piano recitals… etc

number 9

What has someone borrowed but never given back?

My biggest pet peeve is when someone borrows your pencil in class but doesn’t give it back. I’ve lost maybe a couple handfuls of pencils like this. Now I always pretend I don’t have a pencil when I’m asked.

number 10

Do you wear jewelry?

Because of dance I can only wear a little bit of jewelry. Also my ears used to be pierced but now aren’t so there’s that. But right now I’m wearing a necklace one of my best friends made for me and I also sometimes wear a “California” necklace that I have matching with my friend who recently moved away from California.

number 11

What is your favorite name?

My favorite name is probably Sierra. It’s very elegant and reminds me of nature. However this doesn’t mean I like all Sierras. I’m

number 12

Do you like breakfast or dinner foods?

Dinner foods, because I really don’t like eggs, bacon, etc. Much rather have some pasta, salad, and steak.

number 13

What is your favorite drink?

Okay this might be very oddly specific, but I’m an odd person so there’s that. It’s a macha latte with oat milk, 25% sweetness, with tapicoca balls in it from boba guys. It’s soooo good. My friend who actually works at Boba Guys told me to order this and now, it’s all I ever order!

number 14

What is a (weird) fear you have?

Okay you said weird so you’re getting weird! I have a fear of fish. I don’t know how or why. As a young child, I would go to lakes with the family and see little dusty colored fish lurking in the clear waters. I guess I’m scared the fish will brush by me with their slimy bodies or suck on me but when I think of them, I shudder. Snorkling in Mexico was not a great experience. As everyone was enjoying the colorful fish swiming about, I was swimming as fast as I could back to the boat.

number 15

What are your goals?

My goals are to become more confident and kind to others. To have a more positive view on the world and to choose kindness, even if it’s the harder choice. I want to be able to forgive people and accept other’s apologies. I want to be a better person.

 

thank you for reading,

californiangirl